DESMOND Morris, born on January 24th 1928, the distinguished English zoologist, ethologist and surrealist painter, as well as a popular author in human sociobiology, has come to live in Ireland, moving from Oxford after the death of his wife of 66 years Ramona Baulch.

Now settled in Kildare beside his son Jason (director of racing, Horse Racing Ireland) and family, he continues to write, publish and paint full time.

Counting Spanish surrealist Joan Miró, the sculptor Henry Moore and the painter Francis Bacon as friends, he continues to be in close touch with lifelong friend fellow nonagenarian David Attenborough who shares the same disdain for retirement.

A charming and enthralling conversationist, he is best known for his 1967 book The Naked Ape, and for his television programmes such as Zoo Time. Morris also wrote studies on the behaviour of some of our closest animal companions, first looking at dogs, then cats, and horses in Horsewatching and we print an extract on these pages.

Among many discussions on art, travel, films and animals, Morris outlined his interest in horses.

Were you brought up with horses or have ponies as a child?

“No. I lived in the centre of a large town. After the war was over I was conscripted into the army. While I was waiting for my call-up papers, I passed the time by learning to ride at a local riding school. I had only reached the canter when I was called up, so I never did get to the gallop!

“When I was curator of mammals at the London Zoo in the 1960s, I got to know the rare Przewalski’s Horse – the only wild horse left on the planet (there are only 1,900 of them remaining in the world today).

“I was fascinated by the fact that they had erect manes, when modern domestic horses all have hanging manes. The horses painted on the walls at Lascaux also have erect manes.

“I tried to work out why this change had occurred and realised that, before riders had saddles, they had to cling on to the manes of their horses, and the longer manes made this easier. Saddles were eventually invented in the Middle East about 4,000 years ago (and I happen to have the oldest representation of a saddle in the world, on a small terracotta figurine dating from about 2000 BC). This is very strange because the Greeks and the Romans, despite their great civilisations, did not use saddles. They fought on horseback without them, which was ridiculous.

“So, having wild horses and also zebras in my care at the Zoo, I became interested in basic questions about horses – of the kind that other people never ask. Why, I wondered, have the Africans never tamed and ridden zebras? That still puzzles me, because they are not impossible to tame.

Trotting

“When we were living in Malta in the 1960s we used to go to the local trotting races, to cheer on our milkman, whose milk-cart horse was also a racer.

“Jason, who was only five, became famous for giving tips to elderly punters. He seemed to understand the horses better than any of us, and, for him, it was the start of a lifelong passion for horse racing that has seen him end up as director of racing at HRI.

“In 1982, Jason talked me into buying a racehorse. I then suddenly found myself involved in the world of thoroughbreds and was fascinated by the whole history of horse racing.

“As a zoologist, I also started to study their behaviour. I asked basic zoological questions, such as why do some horses run faster than others? The professionals don’t ask such questions.

“I was studying fast galloping in herds of mustangs and other wild-living horses and realised that the position a horse takes in the fleeing group is related to its social status in the herd. If, in the wild, a herd of horses was fleeing from an ambush predator like the lion, the two worst places to be in the herd would be in the front and at the back. The high status (and therefore strongest) horses would be just behind the front-runners.

“If you make recordings of horse races and then play them backwards, you can see this happening time and again. The horse that runs third or fourth surges forward to win. So I decided to write a book about horses and made a special study of them, helped by my new role as an owner.

Owner

“I have owned several racehorses. My first one was the best. Son Of A Gunner won most of his races. He came fifth in the Triumph Hurdle at Cheltenham, beaten by four Irish horses. Champion jockey turned trainer, Stan Mellor was my first trainer.

“Later, I went with Henrietta Knight. Hen (as she was known) was amused because I had to give a TV interview about my studies of horses and the interviewer who turned up at her yard was Imran Khan, the ex-cricketer. He was not very good at interviewing and soon gave it up and now runs Pakistan instead.

“You have to have a bet on a race to make it interesting, but my limit is usually £10. On special occasions £20. Just enough to have me cheering my horse on.

“Horse racing is a global sport that will definitely survive. Of all domestic livestock, racehorses probably live the most luxurious, pampered lives and I would be quite happy to be reincarnated as one. I think the use of the whip will attract more attention in the future, but even if that is banned, racing will be able to continue.

Memoirs

“Finally, I should also mention that, when I was presenting TV programmes, I often had to ride a horse, which was quite an ordeal for me. Below is my anecdote from my memoirs about one such occasion:

“Imagine my panic when I was told that the programme we were doing from Badminton required me to ride up to the famous water-jump to introduce the show. Fortunately we were going to shoot this sequence the evening before the famous cross-country horse trials began, so I felt relieved to think that at least I would not be watched by a crowd of equestrian fanatics.

“I was told that the Duke of Beaufort’s head stable boy had a special horse for me and I waited for the young lad to appear. When he did, I realised that the title of ‘head boy’ is a technical term, since the boy in question was, at the very least, in his late ‘80s, possible in his early ‘90s. He hobbled up to me and croaked: ‘I’m letting you have a horse that means the world to me. The old Duke left him to me in his will. It was his favourite horse, y’know.’ I was becoming uneasy.

“Then he turned towards the stables and shouted ‘bring out Jupiter!’ and two struggling young men appeared, lurching from side to side as they tried to control a huge horse, muscles bulging, eyes staring and nostrils flaring. John Wayne would have thought twice about trying to mount this horse. Clint Eastwood would have asked for a stunt double. How an elderly zoologist, whose teenage riding lessons had only reached as far as the canter, would fare, was anybody’s guess.

“They did eventually get me in the saddle and the aged head boy led me out towards the world famous course. When we arrived at our starting point and halted, the head boy looked up at me and said reassuringly: ‘Don’t worry, sir, if ‘e bolts I’ll be there for you.’ And he hobbled slowly away to get out of shot. I then noticed that, instead of being deserted, the course was alive with people. I asked who they were. ‘Oh, they’re just the riders, come to walk the course for tomorrow’s events.’

Horror

“When they spotted that we were filming, they started to stroll over in our direction until there was quite a crowd of them around the water jump. To my horror, it dawned on me that these were the cream of horse-riders from all over the world, and they were about to witness me, the worst rider in the world, supposedly prancing up to the edge of the water-jump, halting my horse with a flourish and delivering my lines without a fluff. Some hope.

“Give me a python or a giant spider and I am happy, but Jupiter was something else and I would hate to admit just how many attempts it took us to complete that sequence.”

Why do some horses run slower than others?

Below is an extract from Horsewatching some content of which is no doubt familiar to readers.

After every race a little ritual is performed between the owner, trainer and jockey of each of the losing horses. This is the ‘Why we were beaten’ ceremony and involves the search for an excuse that will persuade the owner to pay next month’s training bills instead of selling off his disappointing horse.

The simple truth is taboo during this ritual. The most obvious comments may not be uttered: that the horse is no good; that the other horses were better; that the jockey rode badly; or that the trainer failed to prepare the horse. It is also forbidden to mention the fact that horses are not machines but living beings susceptible to occasional inconsistencies in their behaviour. The astronomical cost of keeping a modern racehorse in training is such that the animal is required to be nothing short of a consistent winner ... without some very good and very particular reason. This is where the inventiveness of the trainer and jockey are called into play. The same excuse will not do after each lost race. New reasons have to be found.

When one exasperated owner wrote to Sporting Life on this topic, giving some of the bizarre excuses he had been offered over the years, the paper was soon flooded with additional examples from other frustrated owners. Here is a modified and simplified selection of them with some additional ones collected personally. The top fifty are:

1 The horse swallowed its tongue.

2 The horse stepped in a rabbit-hole on the far side of the track.

3 The horse was hit by a flying divot.

4 The horse swallowed a flying divot.

5 The horse disliked the tight bends.

6 The horse was stung by an insect down at the start.

7 The horse was distracted by a television van.

8 The horse did not like the rain.

9 The horse had an abscess in its mouth.

10 The horse had a sore foot.

11 The horse did not want to go past the racecourse stables.

12 The horse suffered from muscle spasms.

13 The horse did not like the high winds.

14 The horse was lazy/was too keen.

15 The horse was bumped during the race.

16 The horse was kicked during the race.

17 The horse disliked the slow pace/disliked the fast pace.

18 The horse jumped too carefully/over-jumped.

19 The horse felt crowded in the large field of runners.

20 The horse missed the competition in the very small field of runners.

21 The horse did not act on the hard going/did not act on the soft going.

22 The horse hated the left-handed track/hated the right¬ handed track.

23 The horse was under-worked/was over-worked.

24 The horse would improve over a shorter distance/ needs a longer trip.

25 The horse missed the start and then had too much to do.

26 The horse was struck in the face by a rival jockey’s whip.

27 The horse’s saddle was slipping/was too tight and was pinching.

28 The horse was too inexperienced/was too experienced.

29 The horse bolted on the way to the start/bolted at the off.

30 The horse was hemmed in and could not find a gap.

31 The horse travelled badly during the long journey to the racetrack.

32 The horse suffered from exhaust fumes inside the horse-box.

33 The horse had been upset by a fireworks display near the stables the night before.

34 The horse’s girth-strap broke.

35 The horse lost a plate.

36 The horse had come into season.

37 The horse hit the front too soon/needs to be a front- runner.

38 The horse was off its feed.

39 The horse needed the run-out.

40 The horse should not be whipped/needs stronger handling.

41 The horse needs castrating.

42 The horse may have a low blood count.

43 The horse’s champion sire did not reach peak form until he was much older.

44 The jockey thought there was another lap/thought there wasn’t another lap.

45 The jockey mistakenly thought something was wrong and pulled the horse up.

46 The jockey dropped his whip.

47 The jockey mistook the last furlong post for the winning-post and eased off.

48 The jockey was kicked during the race.

49 The handicapper had been too severe and the horse was carrying too much weight.

50 The stable has a virus.

Any racehorse-owner who has not been confronted with one of these excuses after a race must possess a miracle horse.

Perhaps the most spectacular excuse for a horse doing badly in a race was that offered by an apprentice jockey who had been hauled up before the stewards to explain his appalling ride. Asked why he had not done better he replied, ‘Because the gov’nor told me in no circumstances was I to finish in the first six.’

Horsewatching by Desmond Morris

Published by Jonathan Cape, ISBN: 9780224101363, RRP: £11.99