SMOOTH Start certainly lived up to his name by giving me my first winner on just my third ever ride. From there it was certainly a career of ups and downs, going from riding a big race jumps winner in Britain to spending time in a US prison, to outright chronic drug addiction before recovering to rebuild my life.

I often say that after that ‘smooth start’ I went on to have a rough finish. While that may be true about my career as a jockey, in life itself, I am happy to say I find myself in a much better place right now.

My interest in racing was inspired by my grandfather, Maurice Hartnett, who had won the 2000 Guineas back in the 1950s but was later paralysed in a fall. As a young fella, I was very into sport and could turn my hand to anything.

There were no PlayStations or Xboxes back then so much of my time was spent playing football down the green outside my house. I think that experience really toughened me up, especially hanging around with the older lads. I had started riding motorbikes by the age of 12 or 13, around the same time I began smoking and drinking. During the final few weeks of primary school, my friend and I went mitching up the Curragh and we ended up in Crotanstown House, at the racing stables of PJ Finn.

From the very first moment I laid eyes on a racehorse I felt an instant connection. It was like nothing I had never experienced before in my life and I just felt safe. I got a part-time job at Finn’s, which looking back undoubtedly saved me at the period in my life.

I spent less than a month in secondary school before deciding it just wasn’t for me. My grandmother could see I loved horses so she went up to see PJ to make sure I would be looked after if I was to work full-time. Nana also had a word with my parents who eventually agreed to let me go.

Although I had never sat on a racehorse up to that time, I found it came easy to me. As I was just 14, I had to wait a further two years before I could take out an apprentices’ licence. I had my first ride on the flat at the Phoenix Park but I was already around 8st 4lbs at that stage so soon mixed it with jumping. For me, it was a case of third time lucky, when Smooth Start won a maiden hurdle at Clonmel.

So, my career as a jockey began to gather pace but behind the scenes I already started to dabble with drink and drugs. I suppose like any addict I was very good at hiding it – or at least I thought I was.

Just after my 17th birthday, the opportunity arose to join Kim Bailey as a conditional jockey. It was the late 1980s and times were changing, especially in Britain. I first tried Ecstasy one night at a club in Swindon; I was naive in thinking that I could go out to party every night and then just turn up for work as normal the next morning.

Kenny Hartnett with Davids Duky

Came home

I was struggling to manage both my money and life at that time. In 1990, I came home and stayed on in Ireland for a time, working for John Oxx and Dermot Weld in the mornings. Both men were always very good to me, allowing me to come in and ride out when I was between jobs.

A year later I went back to Britain and got a job with Andrew Reid as his stable conditional where PJ was employed as private trainer. I struck up a great partnership with David’s Duky; winning the Warwick National before going on to enjoy my biggest success in the Tote Eider Chase [Newcastle]. However, despite the winners and success I was having, drink and drugs were constantly in the background and before long the latter really got hold of me. Some stuff happened over there which meant that I had to get out of the UK – bringing an end to my dreams of being a top jockey.

Final winner

When I came back to Ireland I met Esther; it was love at first sight and after a while we had a beautiful daughter called Sarah. Around the same time PJ came back to work on the Curragh. My final winner came at the old Dundalk track on a horse named North Tipp on whom we landed a serious touch.

I had dabbled with heroin in my early 20s but things got worse a few years later. I eventually had to undergo treatment in a few different treatment centres. Drink and drugs had taken over my life by now and I certainly was not a good partner or father. I used to go missing for days on benders suffering blackouts and having very little recollection of where I was.

Kenny Hartnett and Johnny Murtagh at opening of Dara Project

New life

I decided to try start a new life so took a job as a track rider for Leo O’Brien in Belmont, New York. I was very well paid but my addiction was progressive and by now other class A drugs were on the scene. I partied hard and before long I had gotten myself back into a bit of bother again – let’s just say ending up in the County Prison in an orange jumpsuit isn’t a nice place to be!

Thankfully, I was able to come home but despite escaping jail time I was still living with a sentence – in reality, I was a full blown drug addict.

Back in Ireland it was the same old stuff, drinking and drugs day after day. Again, I got restless and this time decided maybe Japan was the answer to my problems.

However, it didn’t take me long before I found myself in trouble again. Yet I continued to blame everyone else, I couldn’t see that it wasn’t the people in my life or the places I had lived like Newbridge, Kildare, Lambourn, Belmont or Japan that was the problem, it was me. I was the common denominator in all of it.

I failed to realise my addiction was the actual problem and each time I ran away, I was bringing myself with me. Even in Japan, I found drugs too – I suppose if you want something bad enough you will find it.

One of the biggest trainers in Japan spotted me on the gallops and asked me to come work for him for a year. The pay was good and for a time I actually sorted my life out, even bringing Esther and Sarah over for a holiday. Those were some of the happiest times of my life.

However, as soon as I dropped them off at the airport to go home, I was back drinking and doing drugs again. By the time I returned to Ireland I was worse than ever, a chronic addict who was using almost every day. I used to buy heroin and crack spending up to a €100 a day on my fix. The years from 30 to 34 were the worst of my life – I had lost hope and felt worthless; it’s a terrible thing when you lose your self-worth.

I used to go to bed each night just hoping I wouldn’t wake up the next morning. I used to think of all the opportunities I squandered, the people I had harmed and most of all, my loving family.

Gary Halpin and Vastionea after their win in the Topaz Mile in Galway in 2014/ Healy Racing

Turning point

The turning point came when I was introduced to the 12 steps programme and finally realised there is a solution. Ironically, having ridden my first winner on a horse called Smooth Start, it was another “Start” that finally led me out of darkness and despair.

As part of a scheme for the long-term unemployed and those with mental health issues, I started a course in Naas named Fresh Start. At 34 and for the first time in my life, I became teachable and I found that I actually wanted to learn.

After completing one of my first addiction studies courses I received my result and a letter in the post. While I was obviously delighted to receive 64% for my efforts, I was shocked to read the letter, which stated I would have done better had I referenced my work.

After ringing my tutor, he told me that I should have named all the books I had consulted during research for my study. You can imagine his surprise when I informed him the work was all based on my own experiences and hadn’t come from any books!

Fresh Start opened up the doors to education for me, after which I went on to study for a further five years. A Diploma in Addiction Studies from the University of Limerick, Psychology from Maynooth University, training in CBT and Motivational Interviewing and full accreditation in CRA, an evidence-based approached to substance abuse. I was a Service User Representative Volunteer, helping those that have been through similar experiences to my own and had a really good friend who helped and encouraged me at the time, Steven Joyce.

In 2013, I began working as an Assistant Supervisor in a Community Employment Scheme with the Kildare Leader Partnership. That in turn, with the support of others helped me to start the DARA project, a drug-free day programme for people in recovery. We currently have 12 people on our drug rehabilitation day project who are so inspiring and courageous in turning their lives around I am so very proud of all of them each day because it’s not easy.

A few years back, I was approached by a jockey who had tested positive for cocaine to help with his interactions with the Turf Club. He is now back riding winners and that’s a real joy. I have become more involved with racing recently through anti-doping seminars and speaking with young jockeys about the importance of using the supports available.

Dr Adrian McGoldrick and his successor Dr Jennifer Pugh have always been very supportive of my work in that regard. Currently, I am fully accredited by the Addiction Counsellors of Ireland and available to work with anyone who has a desire to change; not just with substance abuse, addictions of all sorts, be it gambling, sex, food or whatever is bothering you. Ask for help and never think you are the only one that feels that way or thinks that way.

Today I have a wonderful life, so much to be thankful for. Esther, who is now my wife, is the most important person in my life and knows me better than anyone. She never gave up on me despite everything I put her through over the years. My daughter, Sarah, is a wonderful wife and an amazing mother to our grandson Jack, who we absolutely adore and is the apple of our eye.

Jack’s Dad and Sarah’s husband, Gary Halpin is someone I have great respect for. Gary is not only a decent jockey but a decent human being too. He treats Sarah with respect and kindness and is a brilliant dad to Jack, something that gives Esther and I so much peace of mind. We are so very proud of them both.

I know how blessed and fortunate I am to be where I am in my life right now and would not be here if I had not asked for help, and like they say, in asking we receive.

Kenny Hartnett was in conversation with John O’Riordan