IT was a tough weekend on the farm as we lost one of our pride and joy mares. I say lost but, due to a worsening on-going case of sporadic lymphangitis, we had to make the decision to have her put to sleep and to end her suffering. It never gets any easier when it’s a horse you care for.

Horses are not just animals; they are partners, friends, and companions to most who own them. When the time comes to say goodbye – especially when that goodbye involves making the heartbreaking decision to have them put to sleep – it can feel overwhelming, surreal, and deeply personal. I’m a firm believer that owners know when the time is right.

The decision to euthanise a horse is never taken lightly. Whether due to age, chronic illness, injury, or deteriorating quality of life, it is a choice rooted in love and responsibility. Recognising when the kindest thing you can do is to let them go can be the greatest act of compassion, though it often brings intense grief and doubt.

Some people like to be present during the process; others prefer to say goodbye beforehand. There is no right or wrong – only what feels bearable to you. Don’t pressure yourself into staying if you know it will upset you for months to come. It can be helpful beforehand to talk to them, maybe bring them their favourite treat.

These final moments can be a quiet celebration of your bond, a way to thank them for the joy, trust and memories they gave you. Take photos if it feels right, or write a letter to them if words help.

Two professionals

Preparing for the process can help ease the emotional toll. Have the vet’s and the deadman’s number logged on your phone for emergencies. It’s not always possible for those two professionals to coordinate and sometimes the horse’s body needs to be taken away a number of hours following its death. If this is the case, have something with you to cover the body. If your horse has been living in a herd, I always find it important to leave the body for an hour, so the horses can understand that their field mate has gone.

Animals tend to live in the moment and, once they understand a friend has passed, they can go back to their herd and just carry on. Some, like our mare’s closest friend, will stand by the body for a good half an hour and even paw them a little. It’s all natural behaviour and helps the horse process the death.

If you haven’t had to make the decision before, speak openly with your vet about what to expect. They can explain the procedure in detail, help you understand your horse’s condition, and answer any questions you might have. If it is a planned euthanasia, choose a quiet time and a peaceful place where your horse is comfortable.

Find comfort

Afterward, the space left behind can feel hollow, the routine of feeding, grooming and riding – suddenly gone – can leave you disoriented. Allow yourself to grieve. There is no timeline for healing. Some people find comfort in creating a memory box, planting a tree, or framing a favourite photo. Others may seek out the company of friends who understand the depth of the loss. Talking to someone who has been through it – another horse owner, a counsellor, or a support group – can ease the isolation. Take care of yourself physically and emotionally. Eat, rest, and give yourself permission to feel what comes – anger, guilt, sadness, even relief. All are valid. Grief doesn’t follow a straight line. It ebbs and flows, sometimes when you least expect it. Be gentle with yourself through it all.

Part of your story

In time, you may find comfort in remembering your horse not in their final moments, but in the many days before: the way they greeted you at the gate, the softness of their muzzle, the quiet strength of their presence or those big competition wins. They do not disappear from your life – they become part of your story, your heart, and your growth.

Saying goodbye to a horse is never easy, but it is the last loving act you can do for them. In letting them go with dignity and in peace, it honours the bond we have with them that made them so incredibly special.